You feel normal. Then you go out into large crowds, or you are invited to a party or date. You put off committing to it, or skip the event entirely. It doesn't take much, because you're comfortable where you are, with your tools that are designed to keep you happy: the computer, the TV, Facebook, your iPhone, money to order pizza.
Or, you decide to go, after changing your clothes 5 times and still not being comfortable. You feel paralyzed, and don't talk most of the time you are out, because you feel you have nothing to say. This was my nightmare. It feels painful. For a moment to even go back, and that person comes back from time to time.
This self consciousness could stem from anything: critical parents. Job loss. Car accident. Health problem. It's a neuropathology. Want to get past it? Here are 5 ways how.
1. Meet Yourself. Stand in front of a mirror. Now with a veil of compassion, look into your eyes, and don't look away. See yourself as younger, newer, fresher. Give yourself time to Marvel at your youth. Then see your face as older, sagging, paler skin. Wrinkles. Pockets of fat, hollow spots. Not what's there: worse. Confront where your face is going. Then see your face for what it is right now; find the opportunity to live, the fortune, the miracle that is your face. You may find with this, that it brings up insecurity; flaws, pimples, confront it. Stare. See. You may find your expressions and reactions leaving you vulnerable, open. This is where you want to be. It's from this raw moment you are going to Love Your Face. This Face that got you here, good or bad, this face that can't hide expression, or years. This Face that has the opportunity to be shown out to others, alive and Loving and Imperfectly Perfect.
2. Feel Others' Love. This is best done in the shower. (I did this in a small stainless steel closet shower, so I know *you* can do it.) Think about the last time someone didn't return your love. Easy to do? It was for me. Really get into it. Feel how painful it was when that love wasn't returned. Feel how lonely you feel. Really define what is giving you the pain. You laid yourself out there and reaaally got rejected. He/She doesn't care, call, make an effort. Feel that pain. At this point: Realize the depth of your pain--is the depth of your capacity for love.
It's at this point where you see the opportunity that exists within you to give the right love to the right person who can handle you and the needs or demands that you require. (It's okay to have emotional demands, by the way.)
Then go from that deep sense of pain and realization... to imagining... "Well, what if that person actually *did* love me as deeply as I wanted them to? How would that feel?" It was this point that made my knees buckle. It was the most dear gift. It was as if I was experiencing how much of a loss it was for them. What if you are rejecting the type of Love you truly needed?
Carefully put down the walls, and imagine the Love pouring out of the showerhead, seeping into your torso. Even though you may feel completely alone in this world--(I literally was) you can find one spark of Love, right from that beating heart inside your chest. Love yourself the way you want to be Loved. Respect yourself the way you want to be respected. When you are waiting for that call, that email, that text, connect with yourself. Feel in your bones that you are worthy. This is the seed from the vine of Love growing within you, and it is hardy. Nurture this seedling as you grow, cultivating its form like a bonsai.
3. Assess your Life: One way I did this was to list everything I did Not like about myself. I gave myself permission with my newfound Self Love to venture a peek backwards, and list and confront all the things I didn't like about my life. I made sure to stick to circumstances and keep away from the things I couldn't help, such as my mole, or my hammertoe. Then I went through that list and found the things I wanted that were different from where I was. I was single, broke and alone. I was for the first time in my life physically fit, working with amazing people but earning a modest wage. I wanted to be married and have kids, but it seemed so far away. I then listed the things I loved about myself; the things I had to offer in business, in love, the things I could cultivate in myself. This gave me something with which to work; a place to start.
<p>4. List the things for which you will not settle. This is the Life's Buffet of Opportunity that is something we can continually visit: For me, this was being an endurance cyclist, a happily married, well loved and loving wife, a dependable, loving mother, and an insightful, caring and flexible business owner.
All these things came to me because I placed the order, and followed the path I laid out in front of me. Given the proper steps of deciding to, or not to, I'm seeing that every event could go very wrong (hence be an opportunity) or very right (opportunity coming from hard work) to get me where I must go. Making decisions became a lot easier for me because I had a more refined, concentrated Focus.</p>
<p>5. Develop an Observer; or Teacher within you. Continually assess: are your Actions or Decisions benefiting or hindering you? Name it anything you like; we all have this Source inside of us, and most of us have the capacity to be still for a few moments to weigh our actions, our reactions or 'where do we go from here' that carves out the path for which we won't settle. The more often we sit with our Inner Teacher, or better yet, develop a walking Inner Teacher that weighs our actions as they happen, the more sensitive we can be to opportunity and our receptiveness to opportunity, and we become Self Aware. Not more, not less, just refined and sensitive.
Life seems less overwhelming this way, and more empowering because we are receptive to abundance and opportunity.</p>
