5 Steps from Self Conscious to Self Aware

You feel normal. Then you go out into large crowds, or you are invited to a party or date. You put off committing to it, or skip the event entirely. It doesn't take much, because you're comfortable where you are, with your tools that are designed to keep you happy: the computer, the TV, Facebook, your iPhone, money to order pizza.

Or, you decide to go, after changing your clothes 5 times and still not being comfortable. You feel paralyzed, and don't talk most of the time you are out, because you feel you have nothing to say. This was my nightmare. It feels painful. For a moment to even go back, and that person comes back from time to time.

This self consciousness could stem from anything: critical parents. Job loss. Car accident. Health problem. It's a neuropathology. Want to get past it? Here are 5 ways how.

1. Meet Yourself. Stand in front of a mirror. Now with a veil of compassion, look into your eyes, and don't look away. See yourself as younger, newer, fresher. Give yourself time to Marvel at your youth. Then see your face as older, sagging, paler skin. Wrinkles. Pockets of fat, hollow spots. Not what's there: worse. Confront where your face is going. Then see your face for what it is right now; find the opportunity to live, the fortune, the miracle that is your face. You may find with this, that it brings up insecurity; flaws, pimples, confront it. Stare. See. You may find your expressions and reactions leaving you vulnerable, open. This is where you want to be. It's from this raw moment you are going to Love Your Face. This Face that got you here, good or bad, this face that can't hide expression, or years. This Face that has the opportunity to be shown out to others, alive and Loving and Imperfectly Perfect.

2. Feel Others' Love. This is best done in the shower. (I did this in a small stainless steel closet shower, so I know *you* can do it.) Think about the last time someone didn't return your love. Easy to do? It was for me. Really get into it. Feel how painful it was when that love wasn't returned. Feel how lonely you feel. Really define what is giving you the pain. You laid yourself out there and reaaally got rejected. He/She doesn't care, call, make an effort. Feel that pain. At this point: Realize the depth of your pain--is the depth of your capacity for love.

It's at this point where you see the opportunity that exists within you to give the right love to the right person who can handle you and the needs or demands that you require. (It's okay to have emotional demands, by the way.)

Then go from that deep sense of pain and realization... to imagining... "Well, what if that person actually *did* love me as deeply as I wanted them to? How would that feel?" It was this point that made my knees buckle. It was the most dear gift. It was as if I was experiencing how much of a loss it was for them. What if you are rejecting the type of Love you truly needed?

Carefully put down the walls, and imagine the Love pouring out of the showerhead, seeping into your torso. Even though you may feel completely alone in this world--(I literally was) you can find one spark of Love, right from that beating heart inside your chest. Love yourself the way you want to be Loved. Respect yourself the way you want to be respected. When you are waiting for that call, that email, that text, connect with yourself. Feel in your bones that you are worthy. This is the seed from the vine of Love growing within you, and it is hardy. Nurture this seedling as you grow, cultivating its form like a bonsai.

3. Assess your Life: One way I did this was to list everything I did Not like about myself. I gave myself permission with my newfound Self Love to venture a peek backwards, and list and confront all the things I didn't like about my life. I made sure to stick to circumstances and keep away from the things I couldn't help, such as my mole, or my hammertoe. Then I went through that list and found the things I wanted that were different from where I was. I was single, broke and alone. I was for the first time in my life physically fit, working with amazing people but earning a modest wage. I wanted to be married and have kids, but it seemed so far away. I then listed the things I loved about myself; the things I had to offer in business, in love, the things I could cultivate in myself. This gave me something with which to work; a place to start.
<p>4. List the things for which you will not settle. This is the Life's Buffet of Opportunity that is something we can continually visit: For me, this was being an endurance cyclist, a happily married, well loved and loving wife, a dependable, loving mother, and an insightful, caring and flexible business owner.
All these things came to me because I placed the order, and followed the path I laid out in front of me. Given the proper steps of deciding to, or not to, I'm seeing that every event could go very wrong (hence be an opportunity) or very right (opportunity coming from hard work) to get me where I must go. Making decisions became a lot easier for me because I had a more refined, concentrated Focus.</p>
<p>5. Develop an Observer; or Teacher within you.  Continually assess:  are your Actions or Decisions benefiting or hindering you? Name it anything you like; we all have this Source inside of us, and most of us have the capacity to be still for a few moments to weigh our actions, our reactions or 'where do we go from here' that carves out the path for which we won't settle. The more often we sit with our Inner Teacher, or better yet, develop a walking Inner Teacher that weighs our actions as they happen, the more sensitive we can be to opportunity and our receptiveness to opportunity, and we become Self Aware. Not more, not less, just refined and sensitive.
Life seems less overwhelming this way, and more empowering because we are receptive to abundance and opportunity.</p>

Sometimes all it takes to start...

"If you're not moving, you're not growing. If you're not growing, you aren't living." - Tony Robbins

“Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” -Emerson

Sometimes all it takes to start your fitness is knowing someone who has achieved their goals. The most highly acclaimed motivational speakers continually say that in order to achieve results, read a biography of someone who has been in your shoes.  Then model your behavior after theirs because success leaves clues. Authentic?  It's still authentic if you allow yourself to shine through and still have those tools in your toolbox, and even more authentic when you push past the goals, achieve them, and set new ones. Everyone needs a little help: why reinvent the wheel?

In that vein, I would like to give a few examples. I watch the show The Biggest Loser on NBC every week, and when they have a lot of good workout advice, I'll watch it more than once, as I have it on DVR. To see these beautiful (yet large) people accomplishing anywhere from 2-20 lbs a week weight loss... every single week with minor fluctuations either way, I am inspired. I see that success is eminent, as they have some of the best trainers in the world looking after them and kicking their butts on a daily basis.

I want to cry when one of the contestants 'only' loses 3-5 lbs.. that would be a dream come true for me!

I have purchased the bodybugg to measure my caloric expenditures throughout the day, and I have opted to get the year long subscription so I can log my food. This has enabled me to eat whatever I want (within reason) just as long as I stick to the basic math, which is to run at a daily deficit of 500 calories per day or more for a lb. a week of weight loss. Math is 500 calories a day for 7 days a week = 3500 calorie deficit, and therefore a pound of weightloss. For some of you, you know that 3500 calories equals a pound, for others, the light bulb is just turning on. I applaud you for getting this far!  This is all common sense, therefore simple.

Now something that Jillian Michaels mentions is Cardio Interval Training. She uses cardio bursts and a combination of muscle circuits while you are recovering from the short bursts of cardio. In my opinion, this is the best (and most efficient) form of caloric burn. Muscle confusion (and variety) is used to benefit the Mommy, and it's kicked into overdrive with the cardio.. (in the form of jumping jacks or modified jumping jacks, plank pose, mountain climbers etc.)

Jumping back out of the science and technique, and back into the motivating factors...because for me, that's where the juicy stuff is.

Your Friends--Face it.  It really pays to know someone who has successfully gone through a program and achieved results. It's not enough for a complete stranger to tell you they went through a program and it worked: again, success leaves clues, and the best form of flattery is to be copied. SO don't be shy. Interview your friends.. and if you have no friends who have tried any type of fitness or sport goals and achieved results, find more friends!

Surround yourself with those who are active. Make plans to exercise; make plans to meet someone at a trailhead and go on a hike! It doesn't have to be earth shattering...it's supposed to be fun, otherwise, why on earth would you want to do it again? Some of the best times I can remember were having a good talk with a good friend while keeping the heart pumping during a good walk.

Sign Up.  If you are having a tough time meeting friends who are active, sign yourself up for a local hike, walk, run, biking event, etc. Raise the money it takes to enter! Get a sponsor--and Commit to something! Just the commitment of signing up for something and telling everyone about it *keeps you accountable* to yourself, and ensures your progress.

If you're not moving, you're not growing. If you're not growing as a person, you aren't living.

If you are tired of being the way you are, get moving, and commit. Meet people in the training program you have signed up for, and go on rides, walks, runs with people. It PAYS to be in a group or a tribe. Who knows? It may become as addicting as food once was. You may use exercise as a form of comfort as opposed to food or escaping with TV or computer. I only say this to you because this is me. This content and information is because I am living it *right now*. You are experiencing my journey first hand. I am running away from the comfortable.

This is personal.  So far, I have signed up to ride a 100 mile bike ride in September. I figure that goal is far enough in the distance that I can give myself a fighting chance. I have to raise $300, and I signed up with my credit card. I have posted the link on my facebook for all to see. I have put a ticker on my profile to show people my training miles that I have logged. '100 miles seems like too lofty a goal!' you might say. Well, it is possible, but I've committed, and plan on riding 2000 miles before September so I am good and ready.

I am going to do a 3K run by May 8th. I will be either walking or cycling every day to give myself variety, and my body a chance to recover from the previous day's hilarity. 3K only equals to 1.6 miles. If you can run 1.6 miles, you can run 3 miles... and so on. Where is your first rung?

I *also* am going to do Jillian Michael's last chance workout for the next 6 weeks to give myself some cross training when I'm not walking, cycling or rebounding. I want to build up my calves (and my bum knee) and my core. I already feel the difference.

The reason I'm telling you all this, Ladies, is because I am desperate to get back to the shape I once was, and even more desperate to be better than I once was. All laziness is overrided by the fact that I *JUST* Can't Take it ANYMORE.

This One Thing:  this one decision aligns my heart, my head, my body, and my desire.

I am one little acorn who will grow into a beautiful oak one day, stable and balanced. All I have to do is everything I've planned and put out there into the universe.

I hope this has helped at least one of you.